The Responsibility Project^®. Exploring what it means to do the right thing

Coming Home Again

94 Comments

May 8, 2009 by Kathy McManus

In Australia they’re known as “kippers”—Kids in Parents’ Pockets Eroding Retirement Savings. 

In America they’re called “boomerangers”—adult offspring who return to live with their parents, sometimes bringing a spouse and children, unable to financially make it on their own. 

Everywhere they have been the stuff of sitcoms and punch lines: irresponsible losers adding to the sofa’s sag while subtracting from the kitchen cupboards. 

But the freeloader image may be inadvertently falling away, a welcome casualty of the ongoing recession, which, in some cases, is helping reshape what it means to be a responsible American family in an era of mounting crises. 

A married Utah couple who could no longer make ends meet moved into his parents’ basement. “Staying close to your family in times of need, that’s the most important thing in the economic crises,” the husband said. His wife added, “It’s sad that people feel like they can’t turn to their families for help, or they feel like there’s something bad in doing that.” 

Boomerangers are now more likely to help than loaf, splitting the costs of food and shelter in their parents’ homes and sharing domestic responsibilities. “As Americans face tougher economic conditions, we’ll likely see more of this,” said a vice president for AARP, which recently analyzed census data and recognized some new changes in families.  In the past year, more than a third of retirees have had to help their offspring pay bills. More adult children are living with their parents, continuing an upward trend since 2000. And the number of multi-generational households has increased from 5 million in 2000 to 6.2 million in 2008. 

“Kin is becoming the safety net of last resort,” wrote one reporter, “in part because overwhelmed social service agencies are reaching their giving limits.” A social services expert added, “Families, friends and social networks are becoming more important ways that people are coping.”

Tell us what you think: Is it still parents’ responsibility to launch self-sufficient adult children into the world? What would you do if your adult kids wanted to move in and be bailed out?

94 Comments

What do you think? Leave a comment

• May 11, 2009 by Martha Pratt

  Yes, it is the responsibility of parents to continue to help if necessary. The Bible admonishes to 'provide' (NOT 'indulge') for our own families if the need is critical. I see more and more families blending together as in days gone by - my own, is one of those. I never dreamed this would happen in MY family, but things happen, and we are obligated to care for our own.

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  • May 31, 2009 by Josh K

    I don't see the point of interpreting a 1700 year old book to decide on the righteousness of today's facts. They didn't write the book thinking "there will be a recession in 1700 years," but they wrote it to deal with ancient problems.

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• May 11, 2009 by Wanda Burdick

  I do believe it is still the parents' responsibility to raise self-sufficient adult children, and did so myself with two now grown sons. However, in these hard economic times, I also believe that family should help each other. As long as it doesn't turn into a "freeloading" situation, or revert to a parent-child relationship again, I think family support during a tough time is fine. I would let one of my adult sons move back in on a temporary basis, as long as we agreed on the shared responsibilities and it was clear that he was setting goals and making plans to be self-sufficient again. I would not want to hinder his progress towards his own independent life. I love my sons dearly but it is also my job as a parent to teach them their own life skills, as I won't be around forever.

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• May 11, 2009 by Cynthia Johnson

  I know several of my friends that moved back home after losing very good jobs, yes it takes a lot of pride to go back to the nest after you have been on your own some 30 years or so, but necessary if you lost everything to this economy.

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• May 11, 2009 by merle roger burkett

  I think it is great to see families helping each other. If you can’t count on your family than who can you count on? Families need to stay close in the trying times we are all facing. It is important to ask for help when you really need it after all it’s not just about you; we are all in this together. Help, support and love from loved ones are very important tools to teach our children and also to be reminded of ourselves. Keep it in the family if all else fails you still have each other.

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• May 11, 2009 by charlene I sayers

  My feelings are any time my kids want to come home they are welcome as long as they help me and themselves and my grandchildren too.

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  • December 16, 2010 by tttttttttttttt

    this makes a lot of sense and i am a single 34 m living with my mother

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• May 11, 2009 by Marlen Arguedas

  It goes back to the 1930's right before DHR came up with the social security system that wasn't meant to be a lifestyle for the poor Americans, but it does. Still is probably until the truth start to be told to the American people that the party is over. The importance of the extend family disappeared because economics and start to emerge.

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• May 11, 2009 by Atty. George A Tetreault , Jr.

  I have all I can do to take care of myself along with added social services. Not because I won’t take care of myself - if I had the use of another leg and arm - but I am confined to a wheelchair or a cradle crane. Lost my speech but, in my opinion, have recaptured some of 80-85% of speech. Learned to pick up and punch with one finger on left hand and have built 4 web sites, etc.

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• May 11, 2009 by Jeanette Landeis

  This is how many families made it through the Great Depression. I'm not talking about spoiled kids who want mom and dad to support them forever. There are people of every age who are struggling financially and coming up short of paying for the basics of life; housing, food, utilities and transportation. This is also not about a long term arrangement. Families should be able to come together to care for and support one another during tough financial times. It’s about survival to be able to come out on the other side of adversity, ready to make it on one's own again. It's a win/win!

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• May 11, 2009 by Sharon Meredith

  They're are many parents who need help. A child who CAN move home is a help... not all CAN or chose to. I moved home to help my family's needs. This is a subject that can't be solved with one easy answer.

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  • May 20, 2009 by Lisa Pool

    I hear everyone's responses and I too thought it was something I would always embrace doing no matter what - help out my son financially whenever her needed it - until he moved back home a year ago. I have been a single mom all of my son's 23+ years and I raised him without any financial support, got him through college, paid all of his living expenses while he "lived on his own" for three years and now he's been with me for a year, not working except part time and has decided to go back to school for his MBA so will be with me for at least another couple of years. The thing is I have been affording someone else's life and development since I was 22 years old and would like a shot at doing something for myself, supporting myself and not my adult child without any conditions. How is it, if we challenge having to carry the burden when our kids are finally adults that we're somehow not good parents? The stress and daily weight of worry about making ends meet I never signed on for after my son finished college, and now our relationship is extremely poor which is so unfortunate because we used to be so close.

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    • November 21, 2010 by karen jensen

      I hear you loud and clear feeling bad here

• May 11, 2009 by Delma Jones

  I have never understood why there is an age assigned at which a parent no longer should help their child. This is what is wrong with this country. If a parent has a "problem child” or one that runs into difficulty (either because of their actions or the actions of someone else) they want to foist this child off on society to take care of instead of doing what most of our forefathers did and that was to "TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN". I BELIEVE THIS IS WHY MEDICARE AND MEDICAID IS SO OVERBURDENED. PARENTS WILL NOT TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN THEY BRING INTO THIS WORLD. Like so much of our society, there is an attitude of "this shouldn't be my responsibility - "let someone else do it".

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• May 11, 2009 by Olton Cloud

  I am dad to 11 children who I love very much. Six are adopted; five are my natural kids. I am 76 years old and just adopted my sixth one March 25, 2009. I lost my wife on August 3, 2008. Three of my kids have just moved back home with me and I have welcomed them. I have six bedrooms they are all full but if the rest of them gets down on their luck and needs to move back home they will be welcomed. A real dad loves his kids in bad financial times just as much as in good times. A happy and proud dad in eastern Oklahoma.

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• May 11, 2009 by Michele Walker

  In these tough times joining two households into one for some could be a two way street with in-laws who cannot drive and are in need of medical attention at least once a week. Doctor appointments or picking up prescriptions (which is a high expense), grocery shopping, ect. With the average travel distance of 50 miles round trip and four children of our own to take care of, often this is a hard load to carry. Our households are not joined; we have discussed the issues on more than one occasion the pros and cons of moving in together.

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